Are You a Perpetrator or Offender? Part Two (Acting In)
iStock IMG #1288257264_01bcc026-dcdf-47c2-949b-50c5396c97db

Are You a Perpetrator or Offender? Part Two (Acting In)

When people are hurt they sometimes use "acting in" behaviours that actually cause even more hurt and difficulties. Perhaps you are dealing (or not dealing) with your hurt from the past in some of the following ways:

1. Procrastination - Delaying, waiting or postponing things do not fix them. Sometimes putting things off too long destroys all possible opportunities to fix or enjoy them. You might be jeopardizing your relationship, health, career or financial reputation by just not doing what needs to be done. That's sad, because then you will face losses.

2. Depression (sustained) - Some theorists believe that anger turned inward becomes depression. There isn't one specific thing that accurately describes why a person is depressed but usually there is a combination of factors that lead to this. Sometimes, however, deep sadness is self-inflicted.

3. Isolation and withdrawal - If you don't know what to do about something, find someone who does! There are so many resources available to help you but running away from the problem also means running away from the solution.

4. Walls of Words - Think about someone you have known who is so good at talking that s/he never really gets to the point. Words are sometimes used by people to protect themselves from being vulnerable.

5. Walls of pleasantness - When you think that you have to be nice all the time, you lose! Good manners are important but when you are always playing the role of "pleaser" you never get your needs met and no one truly knows you. They just know the actor you portray.

6. Silent treatment - The old adage "Silence is golden" does not refer to using silence as a way of punishing someone else.

7. Deprivation - I find it interesting when people tell me about how they have deprived or denied themselves certain things and then, within a few minutes, tell me about other things that they have splurged on.
One woman, for example, told me that in order to save money, she cuts open the toothpaste tube to make sure she can use every last little bit. That's funny because most times you can get a tube of toothpaste for under two dollars. She also buys fine wine by the case and spends $10,000 a week on accommodations during each of her many holidays throughout the year. Deprivation and extravagance!

8. Self-abuse/neglect - If each person cared for himself or herself half as well as they would care for their best friend, then we would all enjoy a very healthy and loving world! Self-care involves making daily choices that not only build your mind and body but also help you to see the laughter in life.

Expand your definition of offender and perpetrator, terms that we usually use in a Court setting. Perhaps you are actually offending or perpetrating against your own well-being.

And now I would like to invite you to claim your Free Instant Access to a complimentary list of 10 Steps to Making Your Life an Adventure when you visit

From Dr. Linda Hancock, Registered Psychologist and Registered Social Worker


Check Out Part One

Back to blog