Troubles

In the first scene of “The Music Man”, community members sing about how there is “trouble in River City”.  Ever since my first viewing of this play, I have thought about how each of us experiences troubles of various kinds in our lives.

Throughout the decades I have experienced many different kinds of troubles:

1. Common sense avoidance– These troubles involve the times when you knew better and still did something that was not wise What might appear to be small errors like not paying a bill by the due date or doing maintenance on your vehicle, unfortunately, bring negative consequences in time that could easily have been avoided.
2. Relationship issues – It can be easy to associate with people who make bad choices, especially if you are desperately lonely. People who are “troublemakers” will likely try to involve you in their schemes.  Sometimes, you might find yourself treating others with disrespect or neglect.  The choices that you make will either build or destroy your reputation and eventually your self-respect so be careful about what you say and who you hang out with!
3. Global events – We all know the effect that COVID had on our world. Tsunamis, earthquakes and even severe storms can seriously disrupt everything that we have known or planned to do for long periods of time.  Wars do not begin or end because of our individual wills. Economic and governmental policies affect our lifestyle but are usually enacted without our direct input. 
4. Life and Death circumstances – This week my family has been saddened by the death of my only nephew who had a freak accident while raising money for charity. He was healthy, 39 years of age and leaves two small sons.  Poor health conditions, injuries and death often do not give us a lot of warning.  When they appear, however, they can rock our worlds, emotionally, physically, financially and relationally. 
5. Personal tragedy – Fire can destroy homes. Businesses close causing unemployment.  People are robbed.   Investments shrink.  There are many, many things that can happen to us that were not predicted or preventable.

As a psychologist I have always tried to help clients to understand that it is not what happens to us that is as important as how we deal with it.  Many individuals have serious troubles and respond with anger, bitterness and disregard for other people.  Others, however, come through their troubles with a good attitude and creative solutions.

I am definitely not denying the fact that as humans we often face disappointment, loss, heartbreak and confusion when troubles arrive and attack our lives.  These are natural human reactions.  The important thing, however, is to deal with the troubles in as healthy a manner as possible so you can adjust and rebuild in an even stronger manner.

This week I have been so grateful for the family, friends and acquaintances who have reached out to me in my grief.  Being able to share memories, display my vulnerability and plan how to get the to funeral have been so comforting.

At times I jokingly tell a story about a farmer who finds his young son in the barn shoveling manure like crazy.  The father is surprised by this and asks: “What are you doing?”  The child responds, “With this much manure, I am sure there has to be a pony in here somewhere!”

I have found many ponies in the manure this week.  Connections with relatives who live at a distance.  Kindness from people who demonstrate that they really care about me.  Those who have sacrificially offered to do “anything” to help with my hurt. Knowledge that going to the funeral will be a long and expensive undertaking but also a time to be with loved ones.  I am even aware of the fact that I live in a country where I have the freedom to travel to the funeral and the finances to fund the journey.

At my wedding, several years ago, my uncle gave a speech to the bride.  He quoted my maternal grandfather who always used to say, “May all your troubles be little ones”.

Today I offer that blessing to you “May all your troubles be little ones”.  Boldly I extend the sentence to include: “And may you navigate them all with wisdom and grace, always becoming a better person because of what has happened”.