Things You Should Think About and Do Before You Leave a Relationship

Conflict Relationships



Often when emotions run high people say and do things that they regret afterwards. There are many things that would help you and your family to avoid the issues that often lead to separation and divorce.

1. Never threaten divorce - The boy who cried wolf ended up not being believed when the wolf did show up. When you say that you will get a divorce, your children are frightened and problems remain unsolved. Never threaten you spouse to try to get attention or hoping that things will improve. This method doesn't work.

2. Don't leave a relationship unless you plan to stay out of it - Too many individuals try to scare the other person by leaving and then return when things calm down. This "revolving door" of moving in and out confuses children and prevents you from dealing with the issues. Also, it won't take long until you lose credibility from supports.

3. Access resources - It is important that you seek help from organizations and professionals who can inform and help you to make good choices. A therapist, lawyer, or family agency will help you to understand options for you to consider. Perhaps you and your partner would benefit from marriage counselling, financial training or learning better communication skills.

4. Be realistic - You will need money to establish a new home. Your spouse will be involved in the lives of the children. Separation will evoke feelings of loss, anger, loneliness, ambivalence, fear and fatigue. Also, divorce is not the "end", especially if you have children. You will be involved with the other parent for years to come. Even the divorce process will likely take many months or even years to complete - especially if there is an element of immaturity on the part of you or your partner.

You cannot change another person but you can make positive changes in your own life. Make sure that no matter what happens, you act in a manner that sets a good example for those around you and choose solutions that will improve the situation and not make it worse. Choose dignity!


Dr. Linda Hancock, the author of “Life is An Adventure…every step of the way” and “Open for Business Success” is a Registered Psychologist who has a private practice in Medicine Hat. She can be reached at 403-529-6877 or through email office@drlindahancock.com


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