THANKS!

THANKS!

I have written this column for more than twenty years and therefore, when a holiday arrives, I wonder how I can do it justice without repeating myself.

And yet, every year, it suddenly seems that a new idea or situation appears that gives me material to approach the occasion and give it a new twist.

Thanksgiving often puts family members together and although we all hope for a Norman Rockwell type of celebration, that doesn’t always occur.  When I view his painting of the beautiful set table surrounded by happy people and a woman holding the perfectly cooked turkey, I remind myself that often Rockwell used actors to pose for him.  His work presents us with an ideal – not reality.

Each of us lives in our own little box of time and space that is filled with expectations, many of which we adopted from others.  From birth we are conditioned to accept the ideas and opinions of those around us, even if they don’t make us happy or represent what we think would bring out our authentic self.

It is important to remember that we are bigger than the little box that limits our mind, potential and behaviours.  Putting things into perspective will help us to live and let live in a healthy manner.

This week I heard an expression that apparently has been used in Alcoholic Anonymous settings: “What other people think of me is really none of my business”.  That is such an interesting thought.

There have been times when I submitted an article for publication and received two completely opposite critiques.  One reader might state that they greatly enjoyed my article and thanked me while another stated that what I had said was totally incorrect or inappropriate.  Same article, same day and different opinions.  I accept both and keep writing!

So, now we face the Thanksgiving holiday again with a group of people who have known us for most of our lives.  Perhaps some dread it, thinking that we cannot enjoy this time because of what the others might do or say or think.  

Charles Horton Cooley, an American sociologist had an interesting perspective.  He said: “I am not what I think I am, and I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.”  Wow!  

Just remember that everybody has their own story and their own issues.  Everyone has had trauma and problems that they will bring with them to your Thanksgiving event so maybe they aren’t thinking about you at all.  Or perhaps they are just focusing on you to avoid thinking about their own flaws.

How do we deal with it?  Well, try detaching with love.  Assert with kindness.  Just remember that kindness is free and doesn’t cost you one penny!  And give thanks for all the wonderful things that enrich your life.

Have a peaceful Thanksgiving, everyone!

Dr. Linda Hancock, the author of “Life is An Adventure…every step of the way” and “Open for Business Success” is a Registered Psychologist who has a private practice in Medicine Hat.  She can be reached at 403-529-6877or through email office@drlindahancock.com