Secrets and Lies Kill
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Secrets and Lies Kill

Over the years I would ask my grandchildren "What do I love more than you?" Without hesitation they would reply "The truth!" Even though this had occurred for more than a decade, one of my grandsons decided to confront me. He asked "You don't really mean that do you grandma? How can you love something more than me?" It sounded arrogant but he was really just puzzled because he was used to being treated as though he was so special and wonderful that this didn't make sense. My answer was "Of course I mean it because if you don't tell the truth then I don't really know who you are!"

Most people don't lie to get into trouble but they will lie to try to get out of trouble. It can be a form of self-protection. Some minimize dishonesty by calling it "white lies" or think that they can say anything they want as long as it is funny. It is serious when they get so good at dishonesty that they actually begin to believe themselves. Denial is when you don't even know you are lying to yourself!

One consequence of lying is that you break trust with the people around you. Remember the story of the boy who cried wolf? It got to the point where no one would believe him anymore and the wolf killed all the sheep. How does someone know that you are telling the truth if you mix honesty and dishonesty until this has become a pattern in your life?

It's the same thing with secrets. I am often surprised by the fact that clients keep secrets from others and then after they have been caught, they state that they were planning to come clean. Unfortunately, they are usually found out before they confess and that makes them seem even more unbelievable.

Years ago, I heard about a ten year old who was teased on the playground about being adopted. When she went home and told her parents, they admitted that this was true. She never felt that she could trust them again and just asked "What else are you hiding from me?" Secrets can cause life-long issues.

If you are doing something that you need to hide, chances are that you are up to no good!

Oh, I am not trying to be judgmental. If you don't really care about your reputation or how others view you, then just keep on going in the same direction.

If, on the other hand, you want things to change so that you will be believed and trusted in the future, then it is time to make a commitment that from today onward you will quit lying and keeping secrets. You likely will face some initial rath but, in the long run the people in your life will likely be glad to know that you have more to offer than empty promises and more of the same. Don't expect them to forgive and trust you immediately though. That will take time because you will have to prove you are serious through your actions and not just your words.



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