Accounting And More Branding Career Advice Careers Employment Customer Service Entrepreneurialism Ethics Human Resources Management Marketing Networking PR Productivity Small Business Solo Professionals Strategic Planning Travel Workplace Communication
Change Changes Us
The Simple Life
Grief and Loss
What Stage are you In?
Dealing with Tigers
What is Stupid
Are You Worried?
Life's a Puzzle
Let's Sing Along!
Navigating the Journey
Success and a Mess!
May Long Weekend
How Do I Find a Good Woman?
Last evening a handsome young man asked me for some advice about women. He wanted to know how to build a good relationship and indicated that he has been with beautiful women but things just didn't work out.
Here's my advice to all confused young men who are craving relationship:
1. Deal with your own issues first - There may be things in your life that you have been neglecting. Are you drinking too much, having problems taking responsibility for your actions or living a life of financial wrecklessness? If these or other things are preventing you from being a mature person, clean them up! Otherwise you will probably attract a woman who is just like you or someone who will end up falling in the role of mothering you! (Do you want to sleep with your mother?)
2. Quit lying to women - If you are just saying what you think that they want to hear, you will not have a successful relationship. First of all, you likely won't be able to keep the charm going and secondly, you really aren't being your true self. Be nice but be honest - with yourself and with her!
3. Compatibility is more than physical appearance and sex - Are your backgrounds similar? Do you have the same values and beliefs? Do you enjoy and participate in the same activities? It is extremely important that you match not only your own lives but also the lives of extended family. People who state that you don't marry the family are dead WRONG! I have seen over 7,000 clients in the past few years and you would be amazed at how many marriages are in trouble because of in-laws and other relatives. Same yourself some problems and do the research before you commit. You wouldn't buy the first car you saw on the lot, would you?
4. Think long-term - Think about how your relationship will change if your wife is pregnant or you have a couple of little children. The party scene that you enjoy so much now will not fit in once you are a parent. Are you ready to put your money into strollers instead of quads? Do you think the same about employment and finances and family reunions? How will you help her to grow and pursue her personal interests. You see, having a partner means that you need to sacrifice. Prince Daniel made quite a commitment to the Crown Princess Victoria when they married in Sweden in June 2010. He said "I hope I can make her as happy every day as she is today". Are you ready to set that as a goal or are you just thinking about your own needs?
5. Look on the inside (not just on the outside) - Imagine what life will be like when you are 80 years old and she is 75 years old, possibly in a wheelchair with a urine bag. If you are both in a Nursing Home (on different floors) what will you be looking for? Will it be manicured nails and the latest fashion or will it be a kind heart that is full of love for you?
If you want to find the right woman - you have to be the right man. You see we all marry at the level of our own hurts. Does that scare you? If so, do something about it now before you fall into the wrong relationship.
About the Author
Dr. Hancock has written a regular weekly column entitled “All Psyched Up” for newspapers in two Canadian provinces for more than a dozen years...