He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not!

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not!

Dr. Linda Hancock

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dr. Hancock has written a regular weekly column entitled “All Psyched Up” for newspapers in two Canadian provinces for more than a dozen years. Over the years, her readers and clients have said that they have benefited from her common-sense solutions, wisdom, and sense of humour. Dr. Linda Hancock, the author of “Life is An Adventure…every step of the way” and “Open for Business Success” is a Registered Psychologist who has a private practice in Medicine Hat. She can be reached at 403-529-6877 or through email office@drlindahancock.com

Published

January 9 2012

I'm quite fascinated by the way that my grandchildren frequently adjust their statuses on Facebook from "In a Relationship" to "Single" and back again. It shows how quickly things can change.

This week I couldn't help but smile when my twelve-year-old grandson clicked on "In a relationship" and wrote the following on his wall "Well I haven't asked her out in person. I just put it like this ahead of time".

There is nothing like an optimist! Especially one that puts it out for the world to read before he asks the girl!

We all hope that the one who interests us will also be interested in us. Perhaps this is what fuels the marketing strategy for Valentine's Day. So many allow their emotions to soar or free fall based on the attention and romantic gifts that they receive or don't receive on February 14th.

It's wonderful to be loved but dangerous to base your self-image on what happens one day out of the year.

You can be very deeply loved by a person who does not necessarily meet the expectations of your hopelessly romantic desires. Don't be too quick to think that this means that they don't care!

On the other hand, you might be involved with someone who seems to meet the criteria of a Prince Charming on Valentine's Day but then brings heartache and disappointment on the other 364 days of the year! Words on a card can seem insincere, a romantic dinner can feel uncomfortable and even the sparkle of a diamond can lose its luster if that person only celebrates the day but doesn't cherish the relationship.

A long time ago, Juno nominee Kate Hammett-Vaughan said to me "We are never disappointed unless we have expectations". She was right! When you don't have expectations about what other people should or will do, you can enjoy contentment. The serendipity, of course, is that if you aren't expecting anything and something does happen, it becomes a pleasant surprise.

You don't have to give or receive cards, gifts or invitations in order to feel good about yourself on Valentine's Day. In fact, you don't even have to be in a romantic relationship to enjoy the day!

All you need to do is wink at yourself in the mirror in the morning, hum a little tune as you shower, choose to wear a smile and offer kind words to those who you care about. You will find at the end of the day that you have that warm, comfortable feeling that comes from loving yourself and loving your life.

And when it comes right down to it, you can't really be properly loved or genuinely love someone else until you have learned to loved yourself first.

So, don't worry about whether your status is "Single" or "In a relationship". Don't waste your time and energy wondering about why you don't have a special someone in your life or whether the one you care about will do something sweet on February 14th.

Just focus on having a lovely day!