Have you ever felt so angry that you lost sleep? Perhaps you actually threw a temper tantrum that afterwards left you with feelings of embarrassment. Are other people avoiding you because they view you as being unreasonable and difficult to being around?
Here are some of the reasons that you might find yourself angry and in trouble:
- There is information that you don’t have – Sometimes people impulsively form an opinion without knowing all the facts. Just sit in Court for a few days and you will quickly realize that there is more than one side to any situation. Multiple witnesses can present multiple perceptions.
- Life always feels like a competition for you. If others don’t agree with you, then you up the ante. You get louder and keep arguing, thinking that this will eventually give you a “win”. If you don’t get your point across and are acknowledged as being right, you feel like a failure.
- Others have been poor role-models for you. Growing up or hanging out with angry people might cause you to believe that being loud and forceful is the acceptable way to communicate.
- Having an underlying fear can fuel your emotions and mask itself as anger. I always think that the louder a person is, the more afraid they are deep down inside. When you are upset ask yourself “What am I afraid of?”
- Substances are doing the talking. Country music often refers to liquor logic. Most of us have, at some point, witnessed how drugs or alcohol can cause an individual to act in an unreasonable manner.
- Lack of respect for other people, their opinions and their choices. When you think that they are wrong and you are right there can be problems, especially if you demand that they agree with you. When they don’t agree, you lose even more respect for them.
- Not thinking about consequences that your anger and behaviours can lead to such as broken relationships, police involvement, isolation or even physical damage.
You can change:
1. Research – Learn as much as you can about a topic from multiple sources. Just because you hear something from one place or person doesn’t mean that you have enough information to make a wise opinion.
2. Grow up – Maturity means doing all the things you don’t want to do anyway! You can control your emotions and probably don’t want to look like the two year old who is lying on the floor, kicking and screaming because your parent isn’t giving you a treat.
3. Let it go – Just as you don’t want anyone to tell you how to live, other people feel the same way. Adopt the motto “Live and let live”.
4. Learn new skills – Take a course, read some books, hire a therapist, find a good mentor.
5. Confront your fears – Figure out what is fueling the anger.
6. Develop positive self-talk – Say calming words to yourself, just as you would to an upset child. Understand that you have the power and ability to make good choices.
7. Give peace a chance. Right now we ae blessed to live on land that is free from war. It is important to not only give thanks for the peace but also be part of the solution for maintaining it.