Forgiveness

Well, we just made it through another holiday season and like it or not, there might have been some people or situations that rubbed us the wrong way.  Spending time with friends and extended family members, especially when alcohol is prevalent, can result in some hurt feelings or what might seem to be unavoidable clashes.

We all wanted to have that special Norman Rockwell experience where everyone is happy and polite but that isn’t always the case.  We are not living in a movie where we all live happily ever after.

Each of us can likely recall at least one time over the years when there was strong tension in the room, irreconcilable differences or unacceptable behaviours from the people who we were with during holiday celebrations.

Unfortunately, it might be our own attitude or actions that have resulted in guilt feelings and embarrassment that can haunt us if not dealt with.

No one is perfect – that’s for sure!  Sometimes we need to deal with our imperfections and even address issues with others who were involved in order to find peace and prevent future incidents.

Here are some tips for dealing with the tough times that need attention:

1.       Be honest about what happened.  Denial and silence do not usually resolve issues or prevent them from happening again in the future.

2.       Consider the part that each person played.  It is not usually just one person who is at fault when a problem occurs.

3.       Carefully think about what you did that contributed to the fiasco.

4.       Consider ways that you could have handled things better and what you might do differently in the future.

5.       Forgive yourself.

6.       Make a plan that will include establishing healthier boundaries for upcoming situations.

7.       Decide how you might approach other people who were involved with a goal of communicating without pointing fingers and making peace.

8.       Forgive the other who were involved– even if they are not open or willing to dialogue.

9.       Remember that the person who doesn’t forgive is the one who has the problem – not the one who is unforgiven.

10.   Accept the fact that you have done your part by asking for forgiveness for your actions even if the other person doesn’t forgive you.

11.   Let go of the emotions.  Holding anger, guilt and resentment will not help you or anyone else.

12.   Forgive but don’t forget about what happened.  If you pretend that nothing happened or don’t make an alternate plan for the future, you will unfortunately end up repeating it or even establishing a negative pattern which will keep raising its ugly head.

And, if you have spiritual faith, remember to pray about the situation.  Years ago, I learned a very helpful phrase “Do your best and commit the rest”.  It sure doesn’t hurt to have help with the issue!