BE MINE….

So, this week we face Valentine’s Day and need to consider what that means at a personal level.  It isn’t as simple as Hallmark might want it to be.

What category is the one that you would use to describe your situation?

1.    Prematurely innocent – This would be the 5-year-old who thinks that it is sweet to make a paper heart for mommy.  Or the introverted pre-teen who might have a crush but hasn’t a clue what to do with it!  
2.    Started and stalled – Most people have had hopes for a connection that started strong and then, without any explanation just ended.  There might be some hurt and confusion that can leave a little trauma but generally we brush ourselves off and carry on.
3.    First blush – Oh, that amazing and intoxicating honeymoon feeling.  When you are floating and the world just seems to offer nothing but bliss.  (I hate to burst your bubble but even though that feeling is real it is temporary).
4.    Faded passion – Once the diapers, mortgage and inflation hit, the romance loses its power.  Many live in a world where they wonder what they ever saw in the person who they wake up with each morning.  Perhaps some skills and re-focus will rekindle the spark?
5.    Crashed hopes – The divorce rate is pretty high and doesn’t cover the common-law or fling disasters.  Many lose material, identity and respect assets when things don’t go like they planned.
6.    Trying again – How many romantic relationships have you had?  Have you lost faith or are determined to NEVER get into another one?  Or do you have the faith and courage to take a chance?
7.    Contented – Over time, many couples learn to live together with peace and thankfulness.  (This is the category that most human heart’s desire).  
8.    Grieving but grateful – Perhaps you have lost your partner due to death.  It hurts so badly but underneath it all you are still treasuring the beautiful memories as you adjust to singlehood.
9.    Friendships – Some of my very best relationships in life have been with those who have common interests and mutual love.  The dictionary defines a friend as someone you know, like and trust.  
10.    Love of self – Commitment to caring for your own needs, exuding positivity to the community and building a healthy, enriching life.

Two of the best books I have read were by Florence Littauer (After every wedding comes a marriage) and Ellen Kriedman (Light His Fire).  Although they were published years and years ago they each give us wonderful ideas for happiness.  Littauer reminds us that relationships take work that usually begins after you head down the aisle.  Kriedman states that every man wants to be with you if he feels good about himself in your presence.  Isn’t that the same for all of us?

So, don’t be like the romantic Chinese girls who sit by the window on Valentine’s Day hoping for a boutique of 11 roses (in that country the belief is that she is the 12th).  Instead, create environments where people feel good about themselves in your presence.  By doing these two things you will find wonderful times that last.

And…. remember that like a bonfire, the flames can reduce to red coals over time but still give light and heat if you just invest a little effort with the right skills.  Grandpa used to call that stoking it!

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

Dr. Linda Hancock, the author of “Life is An Adventure…every step of the way” and “Open for Business Success” is a Registered Psychologist who has a private practice.   Visit  www.LindaHancock.com  or email her at  office@drlindahancock.com.