First a couple gets together and promises are made. Then, for years, the woman asks her partner to do the things that were initially and repeatedly promised. Stop using pornography, swear off affairs, handle money responsibly, co-parent, give up alcohol and/or drugs, invest in the relationship, or complete projects,
And for years, the promises are broken while more are made.
Finally, the woman leaves the relationship either physically or emotionally. And all of a sudden, the male wakes up and begins an almost obsessive quest to get her back.
He calls my office for an urgent appointment to fulfill her previous requests to get help. He states that he is so surprised that she has left despite the numerous times she has threatened this.
And he does all the wrong things. He sends her flowers, books a Caribbean holiday to renew vows and completes renovations that he had vowed would done several years previously. He doesn't understand why this upsets her or why she has a problem forgiving him.
Even though he has neglected her and her requests for a significant period of time, all of a sudden, he wants to be with her and thinks she is being unreasonable for not meeting his needs.
Well, sir, this isn't about you anymore. You have broken trust over and over again. Your partner has been hurt and disappointed so many times that she has finally given up on you. And just because you have decided that life isn't working for you now, doesn't mean that she will be ready and willing to ease your pain. She's tired of your promises, your neglect and of you!
She isn't interested in how much you miss her or need her. You think that if she would just give you what you want then you would be able to prove that you can give her what she wants. Well it doesn't work that way!
She believes that she has given to you for years and that if she had to leave you to get your attention, then she has waited long enough. In fact, she resents the fact that you were not willing to meet her needs until she left.
Have you heard the expression "Never, ever believe what a man says - only believe what he does"? Actions do speak louder than words and it is up to you to make sure that your words aren't hollow. You need to demonstrate behaviours that back them up.
At one point you wanted to be with this woman. Then you became lazy and selfish.
Well, a day late and a dollar short does not make a healthy relationship.
If you truly love this woman and want to protect the relationship, you need to positively.invest in it on a daily basis. Otherwise, it won't be long until you will be crying alone!