Articles — The Tenth Year(50)

Self-Image: You Are What You Think

Dr. Linda Hancock More from Self Improvement Self Improvement The Tenth Year

Pretend you have a scale that you can use to rate your self-image. The number ten is "wonderful" and the number zero is "horrible" but you have the option of choosing either of those or any number in between. Your mindset is largely based on past experiences and your self-image on what you have learned about your abilities, achievements, appearance and personality. Old messages, however, might not be accurate or realistic. Now, once you have chosen the number that you believe best represents your self-image ask yourself the following questions: 1. What messages from others have influenced you? Were you...

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The Blame Game: How to Stop It

Dr. Linda Hancock Personal Growth Self Improvement The Tenth Year

When things don't go the way that you expected or hoped for, one of the first things that you might want to do is find someone to blame. Is it your employer's fault that you got a poor performance review? Are your children driving you crazy? Do you think that what your parents said and did years ago is the reason that you don't reach your potential? Today I was in the elevator with a young man who told me that he was moving a new resident into our condo building. He followed up by saying "I am actually a...

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Teach People How To Treat You

Dr. Linda Hancock Self Improvement Techniques The Tenth Year

Over the years I have had so many people tell me that they don't like the way that they are disrespected, ignored or abused often by their own family members. Despite their hurt and desire for change, the patterns continue. Now I'm not saying that you have to take the blame for everything that occurs, but there are certain things you can do to improve a situation or relationship: 1. Consider that it might not be your fault. Other people have bad days too and you just might have been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Just because...

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Victory Remembered

Dr. Linda Hancock Holidays Home and Family Remembrance Day The Tenth Year

The idea began in England in the mind of a scientist named Geoffrey Pyke. He envisioned a small, elite and well-trained commando unit that would be able to fight behind enemy lines in winter conditions. It was 1942 when the United States and Canada accepted the challenge to form, train and command the First Special Services Force (FSSF) which was later nicknamed the "Black Devils". Robert T. Frederick, a young officer who had doubts about the feasibility of being able to create the required special military force was put in charge of the group. His example of never asking any...

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Christmas Resolutions - No Regrets This Year

Dr. Linda Hancock Christmas Holidays Home and Family The Tenth Year

After all of the glitter and excitement is over do you ever have regrets? Do you promise yourself that next year will be different? Well, before we get too far into December, let's think about how you can prevent that from happening again: 1. I spent too much - Set up a realistic budget and make a firm commitment to stick with it. Make a list of everyone you will buy gifts for and the amount that you will spend. Keep your emotions at bay. The newborn really doesn't care if you even buy a gift so keep that in...

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The Christmas Story Is All Around Us

Dr. Linda Hancock Christmas Holidays Home and Family The Tenth Year

Ancient scriptures relay the details of the birth of the baby Jesus. It seems so strange to think about how more than two thousand later we still talk about the humble beginnings that led to continued celebrations on December 25 of each year. Though things have changed over time, many things remain the same. We are all still required to pay taxes. The internet and mail system alleviate the need for us to travel in order to do that, however the government still very much informs us of when to pay and how much we owe. Joseph and Mary were...

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Help! I'm in Crisis

Dr. Linda Hancock More from Self Improvement Self Improvement The Tenth Year

Most people are not prepared to experience or recover from a crisis. The following information should give you some insight: 1. People react differently from each other - even when they are in similar situations. Two individuals, for example, might be terminated from their jobs. One is devastated and the other is relieved. 2. Past experiences are important. Those who live in a hurricane zone generally know when to expect weather disturbances where they live and have insight regarding how severe they might be. Despite this, however, they would likely be totally traumatized if they found themselves in a winter...

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What Causes Procrastination and How to Deal with It

Dr. Linda Hancock More from Self Improvement Self Improvement The Tenth Year

Sometimes people delay or postpone things that are important. Then they end up in trouble or in crisis and don't know what to do. There are several reasons why this happens: Misinformation - You might not understand that there are serious consequences that will result from your inaction. Not doing your Income Tax on time, for example will cost you dearly in interest and penalties. "No big deal" can turn into a really big deal. Being naïve - Some people think that things will resolve on their own and therefore wait and hope that things will work out without input....

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Your Child Has a Problem

Dr. Linda Hancock Home and Family Parenting The Tenth Year

As a psychologist it is my job to help figure out the differences between can or can't and will or won't. Some parents might be worried about their children now that they have been in class for the past few weeks. Others will probably be shocked when they receive the first report card of the year. Maybe you haven't been paying enough attention or maybe your child has been conning you into believing that things are good. It may be a parenting problem: Why is your child late, missing or not prepared to learn? Perhaps they have not been doing...

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The Perception of Time

Dr. Linda Hancock More from Self Improvement Self Improvement The Tenth Year

Remember when you were a child and it seemed like Christmas or your birthday would never arrive? The days passed so slowly in high school before the summer vacation arrived. Even waiting for Friday's date night could feel like pure torture. People who have been in serious accidents often comment about the fact that while it was happening everything seemed to be in slow motion or that time actually stopped. Sometimes the opposite occurs. As we age, for example, time seems to go faster and faster. We just get through Christmas and before we know it, there are seasonal decorations...

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Good Job, Mom!

Dr. Linda Hancock Holidays Home and Family Thanksgiving The Tenth Year

It was way after business hours when I was ready to go home. As I left the building and headed towards my car, I heard a voice call out "Excuse me. Can you help us?" On the sidewalk were three young boys, each with a small scooter. One of them was holding the handlebar of his scooter with one hand and a very large mirror with the other hand. I asked, "What do you need?" and he replied, "Do you think you could drive this mirror up the hill for us because it is really hurting my hand?" I thought...

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Learning About Child Sexual Abuse

Dr. Linda Hancock Other Relationships Relationships The Tenth Year

A few days ago TLC had a special documentary entitled "Breaking the Silence" in which five individuals told the stories of how they had been sexually abuse as children. The perpetrators were not strangers but individuals who the children and their families knew and trusted. Statistics indicate that this is true for most cases as over 90% of children know their abusers. Because of fear and shame children don't tell anyone about what is happening to them. Some fear that they won't be believed. Others have been threatened that harm will come to them or their family members if they...

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Lessons From the Pope

Dr. Linda Hancock More from Self Improvement Self Improvement The Tenth Year

Recently Pope Francis visited the United States. It was fascinating to see the response as millions of people stood in line for hours just to get a glimpse of him. Every day there were things that attracted both Catholics and non-Catholics alike to attend in person or to observe by television. Three things particularly caught my attention: 1. His Stamina - The Pope is 78 years of age. He has only one lung, a bad back and sometimes struggles with balance issues. Despite this, he rises every morning at 4 a.m. and takes few breaks during his busy schedule that...

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Begin With a Plan

Dr. Linda Hancock More from Self Improvement Self Improvement The Tenth Year

There are very few things in life that you cannot learn or do better. Perhaps you always wanted to play a musical instrument or become a good cook. Maybe you wish you had a different career or could speak another language. You might be thinking about developing a hobby or building new friendships. Maybe there is something that you want to stop doing - like hoarding, drinking too much or living in financial recklessness. Spending years worrying or feeling dissatisfied just doesn't make sense, especially when we live in a world that has so many opportunities available if we just...

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Be Queen-Like

Dr. Linda Hancock More from Self Improvement Self Improvement The Tenth Year

On September 9, 2015 Queen Elizabeth II became the longest reigning Brash monarch in history. Her great-grandmother Queen Victoria had set the record by being on the throne for 23,226 days, 16 hours and 30 minutes. Queen Elizabeth hadn't aspired to surpass this and wasn't at all interested in celebrating the fact that she had. Some believe that this was because her rule began because of the death of her beloved father. Others think that a celebration would have made it even more awkward for her son, Prince Charles. He is now 66 years of age and the heir to...

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What Are You Wearing?

Dr. Linda Hancock More from Self Improvement Self Improvement The Tenth Year

It is interesting to note that individuals tend to dress in a way that reveals their personality and values. The other day I met a gentleman who was wearing a Saskatchewan Roughrider cap. When I teased him by saying "You are a brave individual to wear that hat in public" he replied "Hope springs eternal". You see the football team has had a horrible year and at that point their statistics were nine losses and no wins. My friend showed both courage and loyalty in his choice of apparel! By the way, he was also wearing a University of Lethbridge...

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Happiness Is Living Well

Dr. Linda Hancock Happiness Self Improvement The Tenth Year

Life is good! Today is my sixty-third birthday and I am content. Oh, it's not like I haven't had problems. I am human and live in the real world. It's just that I have figured out where to focus my attention and what to let go of. When people are unhappy or going through a tough time, they usually don't want to be reminded to count their blessings. But what is the alternative? Lying awake at night, staring at the ceiling while counting your troubles? I am so thankful. I can walk, go to the bathroom, and breathe without assistance....

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Web Junkies: Computer Addiction

Dr. Linda Hancock Addictions Self Improvement The Tenth Year

I was watching a television documentary recently that highlighted computer addiction as one of the biggest problems that China is facing today. In 2008 China declared internet addition to be a clinical disorder, saying it is a top health threat to its teenagers. Several countries, including the United States, have now followed China's lead regarding the problems associated with what has been dubbed "electronic heroine". Families who were interviewed for the documentary explained that their teen would spend hours and hours online while neglecting basics of life such a bathing. They avoided doing their schoolwork, interacting with family and were...

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Getting An Education

Dr. Linda Hancock More from Self Improvement Self Improvement The Tenth Year

Today I am going to share Alexander's story. Alexander is the older of two children. He didn't really like school until he entered Foothills Composite High in Okotoks where he met a teacher who encouraged and inspired him. Chef Greg Poile, who is the head of the Culinary Fine Arts program, got Alexander involved in preparing and serving lunches for the school cafeteria and volunteering as a sous chef for charity events. Alexander's interest in food grew as he worked part-time throughout high school in the produce department of a local grocery store. When Alexander graduated, he had scholarship money...

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Mistakes People Make

Dr. Linda Hancock More from Self Improvement Self Improvement The Tenth Year

We all have problems. Some are worse than others. Unfortunately, there are times when a problem is made worse because we do things (or don't do things) that would resolve it quickly and effectively. Consider how you might be hampering progress by using one or more of the following: 1. Minimizing - When you try to convince yourself or others that the problem is smaller than it actually is, you are not being realistic and because of this will likely not choose an appropriate solution for dealing with it. Get honest with yourself. Gather information and then sit down with...

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Getting Healthy Again

Dr. Linda Hancock More from Self Improvement Self Improvement The Tenth Year

For the past few weeks I have been writing about the three unhealthy roles that people assume when they have experienced serious hurts in their lives. The Karpman's Triangle identifies Victim/Martyr; Perpetrator/Offender and Rescuer/Enabler behaviours. It also describes how these inter-relate with one another and the positive antidotes. 1. The Victim or Martyr - This role has unmet expectations and feels taken advantage of. Because the person was hurt, however, s/he might feel "entitled" to hurt back. If so, then the person moves from victim or martyr into the role of perpetrator or offender. Sometimes the person experiences feelings of...

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Are You a Rescuer or Enabler?

Dr. Linda Hancock More from Self Improvement Self Improvement The Tenth Year

Sometimes people have been hurt so badly that they don't want to face it. Instead, they use their compassion and skills to help other people rather than deal with their own pain. Perhaps you have been doing some of the following: 1. Caretaking - Are you doing things for other people that you should be doing for yourself? Remember the flight attendant who states "In the event of an emergency a mask will fall from the ceiling. Put it on yourself first and then help the person beside you"? Well, you shouldn't be waiting for an emergency to do this....

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Are You a Perpetrator or Offender? Part Two (Acting In)

Dr. Linda Hancock More from Self Improvement Self Improvement The Tenth Year

When people are hurt they sometimes use "acting in" behaviours that actually cause even more hurt and difficulties. Perhaps you are dealing (or not dealing) with your hurt from the past in some of the following ways: 1. Procrastination - Delaying, waiting or postponing things do not fix them. Sometimes putting things off too long destroys all possible opportunities to fix or enjoy them. You might be jeopardizing your relationship, health, career or financial reputation by just not doing what needs to be done. That's sad, because then you will face losses. 2. Depression (sustained) - Some theorists believe that...

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Are You a Perpetrator or Offender? Part One (Acting Out)

Dr. Linda Hancock More from Self Improvement Self Improvement The Tenth Year

When people are hurt they sometimes respond with acting out behaviours. These choices actually make the situation worse for the individual and causes hurt for other people. Following are some examples of unhealthy things that people do knowingly or unknowingly: 1. Perfectionism - Many people are afraid of looking bad or making mistakes. They therefore go to the extremes of either doing nothing or doing things perfectly. Having such high standards and expectations can cause considerable stress for everyone in their work or personal realms. 2. Sex or romance - Being involved in unsafe or careless relationships places everyone at...

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Are You a Victim or Martyr?

Dr. Linda Hancock More from Self Improvement Self Improvement The Tenth Year

Deep-down every person has a hurt. No matter how wonderful you think that your childhood was, there were times when you probably felt abused or neglected. You see, parents cannot always be there to protect their children and sometimes parents are actually the ones who cause the trauma for their children. Bullying has been a problem in society for centuries. Small children can be very mean to each other and often, adolescents shun or make it extremely difficult for their peers. Unhealthy relationships from youth can leave scars that carry over into adulthood and haunt individuals for the rest of...

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