Articles — The Fifth Year(47)

I get very confused when it comes to money. We turn on the television and hear about high unemployment, recession and the fact that the global economy is threatening to collapse. We're told that there isn't enough money to fund programs, build schools and hospitals, or feed the poor. It seems really bleak. But then, something happens that contradicts the negative outlook. Countries send manpower and extremely expensive equipment around the world to save a handful of trapped miners. North America funds wars in far off places that most people will never visit. Political parties invest billions of dollars in...

One of my grandsons lives in another province so I decided to purchase a gift certificate for his twelfth birthday. A young man at the far away city's music store answered the telephone. I introduced myself, explained the reason for my call and stated that my son would pick up the certificate as the birthday party was only two days away. The clerk asked for my grandson's name and then put me on hold for several minutes. When he returned he asked if I recognized a specific telephone number that he read to me. I didn't. He then announced that...

I remember a time when the census taker would come to the house and fill out a form to record information about each person who lived in that residence. During the last census I instead received a card on my door asking me to call a lady who gathered the data over the telephone. My taxes are done each year by an accountant who sends everything electronically over the internet to the right computer by the deadline given. Health issues are easily taken care of with a short drive to my physician's office or by asking for direction from my...

There are a number of interesting theories about the origin of the word "threshold". In ancient times houses were built at ground level. Families who were poor therefore had dirt floors. Sometimes they used straw which some term as "thresh" to prevent slippage when walking. If the straw was trampled, it might move. Households would therefore put a divider or "threshold" in the doorway to prevent the straw from moving to places where it didn't belong. Other theories argue that the threshold was built high enough to keep water and animals from entering under the door of the house. Both...

"I'm bored". I used to think that this meant that there wasn't enough to do. Now I know that the person who makes the statement actually wants to be entertained or have someone else pay attention to them. "I'm lonely" is a similar statement. People who claim that they are lonely often are sad that others do not visit or contact them. Bored and lonely are dangerous conditions. They can bring sadness, vulnerability and lead to poor choices. Depression, addiction and entering inappropriate relationships can result. If you are feeling bored or lonely consider the many options that you have....

Do you think you would ever walk into a bar, stand on a table and start shouting out all the details of your life? What about walking up to a complete stranger in the mall and asking if that person would like to be your friend or build a relationship with you? Well, those who use the internet and social media often do things online that they would never do face-to-face or in public. The problem is that when you post things that you think are only for the eyes of friends or family, you forget that there are thousands...

Recently, thirty-three South American miners who were trapped underground for more than two months were rescued in a miraculous global collaboration. The world sat watching images and hearing stories told by over 1700 reporters about every detail of the situation that they could uncover. For the first seventeen days no one knew if anyone had survived the mine disaster. The strong faith of the Chilean people however, never weakened and it spread throughout the world to others who also prayed and hoped for a successful outcome. Meanwhile, underground, the men who had little in common with each other than their...

Often when I am working with people who are going through a divorce they repeatedly say "I just want it to be over". I think they wish that the person who they married was a figure on a chalkboard that they could just erase from their lives with a few strokes of the brush. Even if they have reconciled in the past, I hear stories of how inappropriate the other person was as a partner and as a parent. The one who they had so passionately fallen for in the beginning and lived with for years suddenly is the hated...

Year after year I hear people talk about how much money they spent, how they over-ate and how exhausted they are following their December "celebrations". The glow of the holidays can fade quickly and anxiety might replace it as the January credit card statements arrive if you aren't careful. Right now, we are sitting on the threshold of the month that can be the most demanding - of our time, our money and our energy. This year can be different, however, with a little bit of planning and a commitment to follow through. There are ten things that you can...

Television has recently opened the public's eyes with their weekly series entitled "Hoarding". Many had no idea that others live like those portrayed in the show. Mind you, the producers likely search for the most dramatic situations in order to draw a viewing audience through sensationalism. But hoarding does occur in varying degrees - and not just in "other locations". People who hoard might be your family members, friends or neighbours. There are several things that the people who hoard have in common:   Usually they have experienced a traumatic incident or situation which triggers the hoarding. A death, career...

This morning I woke up! I wasn't in a coma - or a hospital. I walked to the bathroom and everything worked! I didn't need kidney dialysis or a colostomy or medication. I was able to shower and dress myself - without assistance. Clean hot water, nice smelling shampoo, plush towels and several wardrobe choices. I made my own breakfast from nutritious foods in a well-stocked fridge and pantry. Didn't have to worry about spoilage, allergies or negative body reactions. The television, internet and electricity worked without question. No blackouts or disconnections. The sun shone through my condo window and...

The divorce rate is high and relationships outside of marriage frequently end. There can be a lot of pain and anger associated with loss of a partner - especially if the demise of the relationship is filled with conflict. And this can take time and effort to overcome. I once heard someone say that for every four years that you are together with someone, it will take a year to recover. Twenty years means five years to deal with it! Well, I'm not convinced that passage of time is enough. It takes a dedication to resolve issues, a realistic look...

My sister and her husband decided to put new siding on their house and garage. They chose the colour, purchased the materials and eagerly looked forward to the finished result - several months ago! Every day they look expectantly out the window hoping that the contractor will arrive to complete the work and are repeatedly disappointed when he doesn't show up. It is so frustrating for them! They are not alone. Most people who are doing home improvement projects live to tell horror stories about their experiences. Following are a few things you should consider before you even start renovating:...

It's time to get the children ready to start school again. Preparing their clothing, supplies and little minds can be a demanding task! There might be some hesitation or reluctance from them about leaving the fun days of summer behind and getting back into a routine. 'Perhaps it is also time to consider how you, as an adult, might return to school. Everyone knows that both your knowledge base and your income can greatly increase when you earn a diploma or degree, but not everyone thinks that they will be able to set or reach academic goals. They focus on...

Have you ever noticed that people often seem to be able predict situations and or events that will happen to them in the future? Clients frequently make statements and then are surprised when the things that they don't want (but talk about) do happen. Those who claim "I can't sleep" are annoyed and surprised by the fact that their insomnia occurs year after year after year. Your brain is just like a giant and amazingly powerful computer. Think about what happens when you type words into an internet search engine. You get what you want! Type the word "psychologist" into...

It's hard being a grandparent. You see we are filled with this overwhelming love for the little person and, at the same time, feel that we know exactly what that child needs. Sometimes we might not like the parent of the child or are upset about the choices that s/he makes in their parenting. Perhaps we think that discipline is lacking (or too strict). Maybe our adult child has a partner who we think is a poor example or just plain irresponsible. I have heard clients talk about how they believe that the grandchild suffers when the parents do not...

I believe that one of the greatest sins of modern society is that people hardly ever touch money. They use debit and credit cards, write cheques, pay bills electronically and send gift cards - but seldom touch or use cash. I remember going to a cashier in a large department store and laying the item I wanted to purchase along with the money to cover the cost of it on the counter. The young employee told me that I had to use a credit card because she didn't know how to accept cash in a transaction. Another time I made...

I was recently invited by a couple who I have known for some time to join them for Saturday dinner at their home. Because it was a warm evening we decided to eat on their deck and ended up spending several hours out there.\ Our time together consisted of sharing a beautiful meal and warm conversation. We talked and talked and talked and talked. We talked about our families, work, health, interests, travel, and dreams. We shared information about things that we had recently learned of people who we all knew. Our stories were sprinkled with laughter and the shared...

Everyone feels the normal human emotions, nervousness or worry at times, especially when life difficulties occur, a test is to be written or a serious problem needs to be solved. When the anxiety is so severe that it interferes with them being able to lead a normal life because of the distress, however, that person may be experiencing one of several mental illnesses. These usually involve intense fear and can be evidenced and diagnosed in different ways as follows: Social Anxiety Disorder (Social Phobia) - This condition is often inappropriately called "shyness", a term which implies that there isn't a solution...

I recently travelled to Saskatoon for my granddaughter's grade eight graduation. As I stood in a shop looking at the book choices at the airport I realized that most of the options were ones that I had already read. Finally, I picked up a paperback by an author that I didn't know and read the back cover. It wasn't exactly what I was looking for as I prefer biographies and politics but due to the time constraints I quickly purchased it with an attitude of "it will have to do". Well, it was hard to put the book down and...

Tonight I was watching the popular television show "Who wants to be a Millionaire?" and began thinking that it would be great if life was like this. Imagine what it would be like to have everyone at home or work clap and cheer when you answer a simple question. The lights would flash and the music rise in a crescendo. You would smile, wave and bow to the audience knowing that you were appreciated and that everyone truly wanted you to succeed. Then, when there is a question that you aren't sure about, you would merely poll those in the...

A few years ago I worked with a lady who stated that she refused to buy groceries unless her fridge was completely empty. She explained that otherwise it was just too easy to not eat the end of the last shopping trip which would then end up being thrown away. I adopted this lady's idea and have found that I not only have saved significant amounts of money but also have learned to be discerning in my shopping and quite creative with my food preparation. Clients often tell me that they are struggling financially because of an employment problem or...

I was recently visiting with another professional in the community who teased me about wanting pro bono services for his staff. I quickly informed him that everyone wants free therapy - except my adult children! My daughter keeps jokingly threatening to write a book entitled "My life as the child of a psychologist". It seems that she believes her situation is a unique one but, after seeing over 7000 clients, I am convinced that many adult children think their relationships with their parents are unique. Some parents think that they need to take responsibility for their adult children and, as...

  When it comes to forgiveness I think we have it all wrong.   Most people refuse to forgive someone who has hurt them, thinking that it will "serve them right" for what they have done. They believe that the other person deserves to suffer from the broken relationship and sit waiting for them to apologize for all of their" evil doings". Well, it's actually just the opposite. When you don't forgive someone, you are the one who is actually suffering whether you realize it or not. Many people become physically or emotionally ill because they are stuck with the...

The other day I was listening to the CD of a business leader. He stated that everyone has a crisis in their life every three or four months. That seems like a lot, doesn't it? Well, maybe not, if you consider family, friends, business, career, finances and the myriad of other situations that might not be totally in our control. But no matter how "out of control" you feel, you can take control of many things that will help you to de-escalate and resolve the issues. Take a breath - Even if someone has a gun to your head, this...