Articles — Conflict

Trust Might Not Be A Good Thing

Dr. Linda Hancock Conflict Relationships

Trust Might Not Be A Good Thing

Often people who are honest become the target of scams because they assume that everyone else is honest and trustworthy. Unfortunately, there are people who get their needs met by taking advantage of others. Do not be naïve. Look for warning signs that will save you time, money and grief: 1. When you don't know the person - Scammers are bold and usually have practiced the way that they will talk to you so that you will agree to their terms. Anything you want or need in life, however, can be obtained from companies or individuals who have reputable methods,...

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How to Ruin Relationships

Dr. Linda Hancock Conflict Relationships

How to Ruin Relationships

When I first heard about text messaging, I wasn't at all sure that I would like or even use it. Now, however, I can honestly say that I see that it offers some benefits that I value. For example, I can send a quick text to my grandchildren to say I love them. (It's kind of like putting a sticky note in their lunch bag). When the weather is bad, I can easily notify people who care that I have arrived home. Travel photos can be shared in seconds and business information can be communicated rapidly even in noisy environments....

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You Are Not Alone

Dr. Linda Hancock Conflict Relationships

You Are Not Alone

In September I visited Highclere Castle, home of the Carnavon family, which is west of London near Newbury in Berkshire England. This beautiful site is where the drama series Downton Abbey is filmed. Julian Fellowes who wrote the script for Downton Abbey, was recently interviewed regarding the popularity of the series that is now in its fifth season. I thought it was particularly interesting that he talked about how the fictitious Crawley family who supposedly run the estate are viewed by the villagers as being the models for all of them. They have a mistaken idea that the Crawley's are...

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10 Reasons Why I Love Mediation

Dr. Linda Hancock Conflict Relationships

10 Reasons Why I Love Mediation

This week I will be President of the Alberta Family Mediation Society at the annual Conference in Edmonton. Even though there is a great deal of responsibility attached to this role, I am eager to assume it because I strongly believe in the process of mediation for a number of reasons. Mediation: 1. Puts the power to make changes into the hands of those who are involved in the situation rather than with a stranger who does not know the background or the people who will be affected.2. Provides an environment that offers each person an opportunity to be open...

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How to Have a Fair Fight

Dr. Linda Hancock Conflict Relationships

How to Have a Fair Fight

So many times, I have couples who state that they have the same fights over and over and over again. Each of them gets off track because their emotions escalate the situation. They drag the past into their argument, and nothing seems to ever get resolved. Following is a template that will help you to resolve problems with less time and none of the hurt that accompanies the "old ways": Clearly identify the problem - Begin by clearly identifying the issue in one short sentence. Make sure that it is focused and is something that is actually "solvable". You therefore need...

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10 Things You Can Do to Prevent A Fight

Dr. Linda Hancock Conflict Relationships

10 Things You Can Do to Prevent A Fight

So many times, a person says or does something that will escalate a situation. Following is a list of the "do nots" that will help you to enjoy more peace and less strife in your life: DO NOT bring up several issues at the same time. Focus on one thing that you want to resolve and stick to that one without introducing other things that are also bothering you. DO NOT try to talk about important or personal things when you are drinking or socializing with others. Airing your dirty laundry in front of others is not respectful of the audience, your...

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Talking to Angry People

Dr. Linda Hancock Conflict Relationships

Talking to Angry People

I frequently talk - or rather listen to - angry people. In my work as a psychologist I have so many individuals who come to me because of situations in their lives that they view as unfair and unacceptable. A long time ago, I learned that emotions come in pairs. Whenever someone is feeling very angry, the underlying emotion is fear. The louder a person becomes, the more afraid that they are. My job is to help them understand this and then identify the fear so that we can develop a strategy for dealing with that. We are frequented in...

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Things You Should Think About and Do Before You Leave a Relationship

Dr. Linda Hancock Conflict Relationships

Things You Should Think About and Do Before You Leave a Relationship

Often when emotions run high people say and do things that they regret afterwards. There are many things that would help you and your family to avoid the issues that often lead to separation and divorce. 1. Never threaten divorce - The boy who cried wolf ended up not being believed when the wolf did show up. When you say that you will get a divorce, your children are frightened and problems remain unsolved. Never threaten you spouse to try to get attention or hoping that things will improve. This method doesn't work. 2. Don't leave a relationship unless you plan to stay...

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Six Landmines For Couples

Dr. Linda Hancock Conflict Relationships

Six Landmines For Couples

My friend, Richard, has been a marriage counsellor for years and is kind enough to share his ideas with me. He has narrowed relationship problems into six specific categories and claims that if you can identify the areas of concern you will have a framework into which you can develop strategies for change. Richard's template includes problems with: Communications - On almost a daily basis I hear my clients complain that s/he didn't listen, talk, understand or follow through. Communicating with others takes effort. It involves words, tone and body language - each of which relays messages to the other...

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